making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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