I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
