No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
