mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Randomize
