Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
