speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
