I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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