well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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