the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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