Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
