You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize