so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
