Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
