I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
