you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
