I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
