I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
