Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
