I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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