she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
