I wish I could punch you in the face.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize