The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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