i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
