What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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