He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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