Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
