Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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