Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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