it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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