I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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