she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
