I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
