Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
