Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
tell me about the eggs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
