At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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