my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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