He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
