While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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