well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
