She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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