he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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