New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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