You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
