The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
