No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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