the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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