It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dont even know how to be here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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