margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
