3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
