HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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