how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
