Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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