Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
