I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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