just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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