You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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