All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
