you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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