you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
