So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
