I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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