I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
