I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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