Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
