I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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