it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He passed out mid-signature
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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