dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
