Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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