Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
