i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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