Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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