my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
